Intro to me and my Cancer journey in 5 emotions fight
Well I’m your usual type of second generation Asian British lad, I’m short annoying, loud. Ahh yes and I have cancer. Chronic a Myeloid Leukaemia to be precise.
I want to start by saying that I am one of the lucky ones. Why you might ask. Well it’s simple, I get to live. Others are not so lucky.
I wasn’t sure how this particular blog / blogs would be formed, as with most of my writing they form eventually after I mull things over in my head and I eventually get to what I am doing now. The actual writing of it.
I’ve broken down the blogs into 5 parts that pretty much sum up the different stages that I went through when I was diagnosed and in the weeks after. I will go into more detail in my book, when its published, not if…..when.
The 5 emotions
- Hate / Anger
Now I’ve heard this word used a lot, in part by me but also by others when they talk about fighting cancer, battling cancer. I’m going to try and summarise what that actually meant for me.
When I was given the news on the 20th September 2012 that I had either Leukaemia or Lymphoma, I’m not sure it had the effect on me that the Doctor thought it would. I was in Charging cross, having various drips coming out of me, my vitals were getting back to normal and the Doc even joked that I was being a hypochondriac . Man was he wrong lol.
I’ll never forget it, one of the Doctors that was dealing with me came back and showed the Dr I mention above the results. He then said “run the tests again” the Doctor that had the results said “we did, we rang them twice”. He then gave me the news that I suspect no one really wants to hear. I vaguely remember him saying about my white blood cells and mentioning 275,000 and some other bits.
The conversation went a bit like this
Doc – “Keyur the results are back and…..medial blurb, it’s likely to be Leukaemia or Lymphoma
Me – “ok Doc how do we beat it”,
Doc – “Keyur did you hear what I said”
Me – “I heard you mate but I’m waiting for that proverbial fucking bus to run me over, so how do we fight it”.
He then went back to Dr mode and told me a series of things that would happen, most of which I cant remember. I do remember my ex wife asking the Doc to give us a moment and then bursting into tears and me consoling her telling her that it would all be ok. I guess there’s some strange irony in that.
What I didn’t realise then but realised something I realised later and even now. Just saying “I’m going to fight it’ and actually fighting it on a day to day basis are two very different things.
The true fight comes when you’re curled up in your bed and the tears and flowing freely because you’re joints are hurting or your just in pain and your thinking, how is this fair. Why me. What did I do that was so wrong to be given this illness.
However, as with everything, eventually the tears stop flowing, you uncurl yourself wipe away whatever excess tears are on your cheeks, you stand up, look in mirror and say I can and I will. That’s the true fight.
For someone battling / fighting an illness whether its cancer or depression (both of which I have some experience of) the above is the reality of life.
So when you’ve finished reading this, if you know someone apart from me battling something, illness, fear, debt, depression whatever. Send them a text, snap, tweet, like, ping or whatever.
Do something to show them you are there. Trust me when I say it will mean more to them then you realise.